Fear of Giving Love

Name: Ryan Van Denburgh
Issue: Fear of giving love or showing love to people for fear of spending energy and effort on something that won't come back or be returned by them. I might run out! (1 Hd)

6/12/09-Hd1-L3-1G

I've noticed that while usually the images pop up quickly and make sense readily, there are times on occasion where the images just don't seem to fit the situation no matter how long I spend trying to see how they could. There is a distinct difference in how these act, however. First of all, they often feel forced, as if being pushed on me from the the outside, rather than me simply “seeing what is” on the inside. There is also a lack of positive feelings, and sometimes my ego may be involved. The images usually are simple images, with no movement, or little movement. I call these a “foil” and usually catch them immediately. The following one I didn't catch however until several minutes afterward. I have come to understand these as originating with unseen entities and beings that are seeking to thwart the process. I include this, along with my attempted explanation as an example of a foil. It is quite apparent that it doesn't fit the issue, particularly when compared with the genuine.

Misguided Visual: A person standing on a ladder. They slowly (after a long time) take a step up on run, then they go back down a rung.
Relation to issue: The person is afraid, they don't want to go to the top, nor do they want to go back down. They are paralyzed and useless (interestingly, how I felt while trying to conduct). In order for love to “move” there is some risk, going up and down the ladder.

6/13/09

Genuine Visual: A cloud in the sky – a rain cloud that is afraid to give off water, lest it run out and not get recharged. Maybe it should save its water for a really dry location and not expend it on a place that is already wet . . . how does it know? In limbo . . .
Intention: Conservation, adequate supply, self-preservation, maximum usage and appreciation, maximum effectiveness, sustainability.

New Visual: A heart beating different color/shades of red
Meaning: A heart both pumps and sucks an infinite supply of blood – it can never run out. Also, just like the body, the universe is a closed system, so nothing can ever be lost or “wasted”. It will always come back around eventually (though i may travel many miles and take possibly millennia to do so). Giving creates a vacancy for receiving that will always be filled.

Willing to transform? Yes. Result: Transformed.

Q1-4: Yes. Q5: (a) Dwell on me. (b) When you meet people it is a question of how you can show them love, not if you will show them love.